Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Johnnie Cochran employing the dreaded Chewbacca Defense. Taken from www.connect-dots.com/Poofs/chewbacca.html
Wow. I was totally blindsided by this one: Johnnie Cochran died today. I had no idea he had been seriously ill. I could say so much about his most famous client, and ask how the search for "the real killer" of his wife is going, but I try not to speak ill of the recently departed (unless it's someone like Saddam, I suppose). The one point I think everyone would agree on is that if someone was in deep legal crap, it would be wise to see if Johnnie Cochran was available.
In memorium, I provide Johnnie's most brilliant legal maneuver (fictionally, anyway), the Chewbacca Defense from South Park:
Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself!
But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!
But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!
Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!
And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
I will be kind, and say "Rest in peace," but it could be debated exactly where Johnnie is "resting" right now.
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